100 Billion Views by Clyde Always


I’ll admit to committing some terrible blunders,

I’m guilty as guilty can be,

‘cause today was a day filled with wonderful wonders

upsettingly I didn’t see:

well, I didn’t see vegetables choppin’ up cleavers,

nor pussy-cats splash in the pool,

then I heard there were maple trees chewing on beavers,

and puppies who ran out of drool…

Mr. T, he was knitting a scarf—didn’t see it,

nor sugar cubes dance in the rain,

plus, I missed the giraffe who was driving a Fiat,

and clergymen blowing cocaine…

or I could’ve seen meat served to members of PETA,

or vampires getting a tan,

or the crippled chameleon who outran a cheetah,

or nuclear bombs in Iran…

when the homeless got bagged up by bottles—I missed it,

then flowers all ran for the shade;

when my grandmother tackled a python and kissed it,

the atheists knelt down and prayed…

oh, I could’ve seen Borneo bonking Bermuda…

I could’ve seen Porky Pig fly…

or I could’ve seen Jesus play golf with the Buddha,

or Earth jumping rope with the sky!

But I didn’t see nuthin’

, today or forever;

these days I just grumble and groan…

so, consider my warning to you, which is: NEVER

cement both your eyes to your phone.


Clyde Always, for the promotion of bliss, writes and recites his own blend of tall tales and clever verses.